"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
For the past few years around my birthday, I have developed a tendency to reflect, with sentimental fondness, upon my growth and experiences of the most recent cycle of life. Since my "Awakening," I have learned to embrace an inherit tenderness within- which in my childhood translated to "sensitive and shy," and in my teen years; weakness. Since then, I have witnessed many walls come down, many false images of myself shatter, and many residual squirming fears of inadequacy surface... ultimately leading to a quantum leap in personal growth, skills, health, wisdom and development. I've said it from the beginning, and I'll say it again:
"This is the most difficult and rewarding work that we can choose to do."
Looking at ourselves, our every action, reaction, and thought, with compassionate scrutiny allows us to purge habits which otherwise have the potential to "stick to us" our entire lives- putting limits upon our potential by blinding us to it. We could (and have in other lifetimes and dimensions) deluded ourselves into thinking, for example, that we're great communicators... then wake up one day at 80-years-old and realize that we're actually crap at it, and have driven the ones we love away. Cancel Clear.
Nothing is worth that, not even the possibility of humbling self-reevaluation. Only when we realize that we are not perfect, can we embark on our journey to perfection.
Recently in my experience of life, I have been asked to "step up" and collaborate on a few incredible projects and visions (see PROJECTS page). Previous to this stage in my development, problems in organization- both of thought and physical space- had inhibited my ability to envision myself taking on large projects. I see now that the "lack of organization" I experienced was likely the result of my subconscious lashing out in the belief that I was not worthy/capable of being a part of such large-scale missions, and therefore attempting to sabotage any opportunity. However aided by the healing energetic influences of Aragonite crystal clusters, much of the "internal pollution" I had been experiencing has begun to break down- resulting in the re-claiming of my own ability to organize thought, and stimulating my readiness to become a part of something big. As a result, two of the collaborative groups which my beloved works with (that I had done some previous editing for) with AMAZING visions and momentum reached out to add me to the core team within three days.
Filled with gratitude and rearing to go, I have begun to make artful lists of my growing projects and personal goals. This has helped immensely, and I would recommend the practice to anyone experiencing motivational or organizational blockages. It seems (and so it is) that as we "define" our goals and actively take steps toward them (and they also begin actualizing), our hunger for life grows. We learn new skills, which allow us to visualize ourselves building upon that skill. We move around more, and so we dance. We begin to dance well, so we learn some swing. Our awakening body needs to stretch and strengthen, so we do yoga. Our developing love for ourselves "tunes up" our resonant field- attracting people and projects which we can truly be passionate about. We are only beginning to scratch the surface of our quantum potential. I believe it is "safe to say" that if we can visualize it, it is possible.
The same is true in the MACRO as I am experiencing in my MICRO (personal experience of life). The density inherit to the realm in which we were born seems to be (and so it is) breaking down; walls of calcified resistance created long ago- by those ruled by fear, on a quest for power, and refracted into our personal worlds- are crumbling back into their pure elements. From this, we are able to build every aspect of our future with the Highest intentions. The Possible becomes Actual in every direction which we are able to look with a Resonant understanding of our own Divine Will. This was our first Magick. As we further discern and dream awake our True and Highest intentions, we our "tightening" our energetic fields. As we sift through the non-essential aspects of life presented to us, and open ourselves to new potentials, our resonant field tangibly changes- just as molecules undergo change with differences in heat or pressure. Naturally we eat cleaner, our cells begin to shrink, are awareness changes. This is called Internal Alchemy- intentional practices of many ancient cultures, namely the Ancient Egyptians. Through these practices, we begin to witness greater Magick each day. In lieu of this, I would like to share my experience of Magick today.
After chipping away at a few projects on the land and of the new conscious collaborations, I found myself practicing with a pair of fire-fans that I haven't touched for several months (one of the items on my "personal goals" list happens to be "more movement with fire/flow toys"). Feeling free, and aware that no-one was watching me, I let my dance emerge. My mind, at peace in movement. I was not thinking, simply moving naturally with the tools in my hands. Through true play, graceful patterns and unique ideas emerged. Through a profound experience years earlier, I learned that Movement and Dance, for me, opens clear channels to Earth and Spirit- thus creating powerful Magick. I can always feel power, significance and response in the wind when I move from the Heart. (It occurs to me that Ancient Egyptians whom studied Magick and Mysticism utilized both words and movements of power to interact (as I understand it in my heart) with the elements: Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Aether.)
Becoming aware of the growing thirst in my physical body, I concluded my dance and went inside for some water. The sight of an open laptop brought my awareness to my current projects. In retrospect, I acknowledge the influence of the current astrological situation- Mars conjunct Saturn. At this time, it is important to use our energy and creativity wisely, as it may seem to come in inconsistent large bursts. At this moment, I found my semi-conscious "monkey-mind" (as my beloved calls it) start to kick in with an old program. "What can I do now? I can't think of anything to do. Maybe that means I don't have anything to offer." At this moment, my beloved enters, and beckons me outside with hints of wonder and fervor.
In his hands lay the most amazing creature: A beautiful gray, black and bright red bird, about half the size of my palm- just like Snow White's little companion. He had flown into the window, and was drifting in and out of consciousness. Mystified, I lightly stroked the bird's head and body. My beloved, Aeon, put him down on the picnic table and we filled a sea-shell with water for him to drink. Not conscious enough to comprehend, Aeon dipped his finger in the water and held it to the creature's beak. As the life-blood entered his body, he roused momentarily, and suddenly flapped his wings with slight panic at the aftermath of his trauma- and probably also due to the fact that there were two huge humans directly upon him, treating him with close attentiveness. He then drifted back into his daze.
As a part of my personal evolution, I have been intentionally redirecting my extreme empathy. When the bird panicked, for a moment I felt panicked too. It was the child in me, surfacing the feeling and memory of being reprimanded for touching small creatures such as this- with an underlying fear that imprinted upon me. What if when we fed him water from our finger, he pecked and broke skin? I had been told with parental jurisdiction NOT to touch birds and bird feathers for fear of disease. Yes, if the bird had been more lucid in that moment of panic, he might have half a mind to fly right at my face. However, Mama's Magick doesn't work that way, and I knew in an instant that these fears did not belong to me. This truth resounded in my being, and I became aware of the divine opportunity being given to us. And so I held out my hand. Aeon placed the tiny creature in my care and instantly, I felt love and compassion overcome my being like a warm waterfall. Not even a lick of fear remained. We are all Earth's children, and this child needed care.
We appraised his wounds; what looked like blood at first was actually just his bright feathers, slightly wet and stuck to his chest. A small part of his beak had cracked off, but nothing that would inhibit him from getting food. His feet were a bit unnaturally placed in his stance, as if he wasn't even aware of them.
With the spirit of the dancer, I held him in my palm and faced him toward the gentle wind- swaying him as he might do if he were gliding in the sky. As I walked into the sun, I felt his energy shift to accept the comforts and care from loving parental entities. I felt his proud, fuzzy chest settle down into the palm of my hand. Breathing in the moment , I felt immense gratitude and awe for this precious creature, and the blessing of this shared moment in time. A gift, directly from the Mother Goddess Herself.
We took him to the little stream, next to a low-to-the-ground Juniper tree. The little creature was becoming more cognizant, and appraised us both with a gentle curiosity, and profound gratitude for the comfort and rehabilitation. It felt like he was saying thank you. He drifted off again, comfortable enough with us to slip into an unguarded sleep/daze. It became clear that he was going to survive. Rousing him again (by singing a silly congratulatory song and (gentle) dance), we put him down on the ground and begun prompting him to hop. The more he hopped, the more he became aware of his body- his legs were fine. Eventually, as we prompted him closer to the tree, he hopped on a branch. It seemed his slight amnesia began to ware off, and his surroundings reset his instincts. We bid him farewell, trusting that our mutual compassion would ripple out, further building our relationship will all of the Mother's Creatures. That is the work of a Shaman.
...And yes, Mom, I washed my hands <3