It's thick today
​
I awoke to find my species has now killed of nearly 2/3 of the wildlife on this planet
The creatures that make it worthwhile to live here- my friends
to find that more ancients washed up on the shores with car parts in their bellies
to find violence against the indigenous- those who innerstand our connection to all that lives in this world
and are giving their all to protecting the elements essential to life.

It leaves me in limbo

It makes me want to leave this place, and to let Her shake us off and be done with it.

Something that I know to be true: The Universe would not present you with a conflict
which you are not able to resolve
but how do you fix a world, not passively dying of its own accord
but being continually assaulted by a species who claims to be my own, but whom I do not recognize
One who is unperturbed by violence, by taking life in order to reach its ends
I am afraid of Man.

How can I match the steps toward destruction that these individuals march aggressively and decisively toward each day?
I buy local, I recycle, I compost my waste into soil. I do not eat the flesh of other creatures
Yet it is not enough
I am confronted by the sickness of my species every day
The addiction, the knee jerk reactions of the brain, and I see the violence in my peers
In these people to whom I am incarnated to help
and I am afraid of what they are capable of
Because I have no more time to waste, being born, again a fawn in this world
Whose hourglass has been hacked, always one more grain of sand
When two thirds of my brothers and sisters are wiped from this place
When untold damage has been done to the elements and ecosystems with no arrest in sight

Perfect is a picture with all hues- light and dark
And in my microcosm I know that all is in perfect time
But would our Mother say the same? Numb and furious, cemented and afraid, robbed of so many of her children
I can't help but wonder if it is too late

But then why am I here?
This sensitive creature, non-confrontational in a construct that needs to be addressed,
that needs to be stopped
that, as far as we can see, deals only in violence
A wake of destruction and garbage
who hides their waste in the pits of the waters to suffocate our ancient ancestors
A world who still believes themselves to be alone.

Are we meant to deal with this on our own?
Or have they been oppressing you too?
Have you been trying to help this planet?
Do you understand that the acts of the loudest and most aggressive
and the inactions of the sleeping sheep
Have no jurisdiction to speak for me, for us?
I want you to know that I see.
I want desperately an end to harm.

So shall we break our backs in labor to undo what our oppressors have done?
I cannot think that is true, that is of an old mind
which has led guilt and misunderstanding to be dominated by governance
I see that this is why our technologies of peace are being oppressed
Why our solutions are being smothered
Why our devices and understanding of the laws of nature, to transmute the injustices in our environment
are frantically ignored.
They are scared too.

So what do I do?
I, the strand of mycelium, reaching far and wide, seeing with my mind
the similarities and sickness stretched upon this world
Who dares only to poke my head out from the fallen leaves
for a moment fleeting
To see if anything has changed

I must inoculate this earth
I must create sanctuary for the alliance of creatures
And my flame must create a space for the true technologies
So we can sort this mess, and so that our backs will not be broken.

If you can sense me, please know that I am sorry that I am sometimes afraid of you too
I know that you, like us, are good.
I have been fed fear and doubt, yet that is no excuse
If you are to trust that there are those of us resolved to heal this planet
Then I must trust that there are those of you that are here to help
Those of you that mean no harm
Those of you that perhaps know more of my own origins than I do.

Perhaps it is unfair to look to you for help.
Please innerstand that I do not wish for you to solve my problems
Though most days it is difficult to bear, I know that I am here in Divine Purpose.

I think I miss you
I miss the tales of Home I can no longer remember
The council of light

And still, I feel an allegiance to this planet, a fondness
And I want nothing more than to float along her rivers, to run with the hooved
To sit atop Her mountains and to wrap my arms around the ancient Oaks
I know in my heart that if there is something I can do for her, I must
And if, when it is said and done, it is leaving her to start again
I will find peace

I am sorry, truly, for those we have slain
Myself included, again and again
and now, it is not enough to kill, but to ensure that there is no place left for life.
I don't want to innerstand, though something inside of me implores me to
and every day I innerstand a little bit more
The sickness

Soon, let us be in communion
My allies, my friends
​I will see this destruction end.

"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."
-Buckminster Fuller.

For the past few years around my birthday, I have developed a tendency to reflect, with sentimental fondness, upon my growth and experiences of the most recent cycle of life. Since my "Awakening," I have learned to embrace an inherit tenderness within- which in my childhood translated to "sensitive and shy," and in my teen years; weakness. Since then, I have witnessed many walls come down, many false images of myself shatter, and many residual squirming fears of inadequacy surface... ultimately leading to a quantum leap in  personal growth, skills, health, wisdom and development. I've said it from the beginning, and I'll say it again:
"This is the most difficult and rewarding work that we can choose to do." 
Looking at ourselves, our every action, reaction, and thought, with compassionate scrutiny allows us to purge habits which otherwise have the potential to "stick to us" our entire lives- putting limits upon our potential by blinding us to it. We could (and have in other lifetimes and dimensions) deluded ourselves into thinking, for example, that we're great communicators... then wake up one day at 80-years-old and realize that we're actually crap at it, and have driven the ones we love away. Cancel Clear.
Nothing is worth that, not even the possibility of humbling self-reevaluation. Only when we realize that we are not perfect, can we embark on our journey to perfection.

Recently in my experience of life, I have been asked to "step up" and collaborate on a few incredible projects and visions (see PROJECTS page). Previous to this stage in my development, problems in organization- both of thought and physical space- had inhibited my ability to envision myself taking on large projects. I see now that the "lack of organization" I experienced was likely the result of my subconscious lashing out in the belief that I was not worthy/capable of being a part of such large-scale missions, and therefore attempting to sabotage any opportunity. However aided by the healing energetic influences of Aragonite crystal clusters, much of the "internal pollution" I had been experiencing has begun to break down- resulting in the re-claiming of my own ability to organize thought, and stimulating my readiness to become a part of something big. As a result, two of the collaborative groups which my beloved works with (that I had done some previous editing for)  with AMAZING visions and momentum reached out to add me to the core team within three days.  

Filled with gratitude and rearing to go, I have begun to make artful lists of my growing projects and personal goals. This has helped immensely, and I would recommend the practice to anyone experiencing motivational or organizational blockages. It seems (and so it is) that as we "define" our goals and actively take steps toward them (and they also begin actualizing), our hunger for life grows. We learn new skills, which allow us to visualize ourselves building upon that skill. We move around more, and so we dance. We begin to dance well, so we learn some swing. Our awakening body needs to stretch and strengthen, so we do yoga. Our developing love for ourselves "tunes up" our resonant field- attracting people and projects which we can truly be passionate about. We are only beginning to scratch the surface of our quantum potential. I believe it is "safe to say" that if we can visualize it, it is possible.

The same is true in the MACRO as I am experiencing in my MICRO (personal experience of life). The density inherit to the realm in which we were born seems to be (and so it is) breaking down; walls of calcified resistance created long ago- by those ruled by fear, on a quest for power, and refracted into our personal worlds- are crumbling back into their pure elements. From this, we are able to build every aspect of our future with the Highest intentions. The Possible becomes Actual in every direction which we are able to look with a Resonant understanding of our own Divine Will. This was our first Magick. As we further discern and dream awake our True and Highest intentions, we our "tightening" our energetic fields. As we sift through the non-essential aspects of life presented to us, and open ourselves to new potentials, our resonant field tangibly changes- just as molecules undergo change with differences in heat or pressure. Naturally we eat cleaner, our cells begin to shrink, are awareness changes. This is called Internal Alchemy- intentional practices of many ancient cultures, namely the Ancient Egyptians. Through these practices, we begin to witness greater Magick each day. In lieu of this, I would like to share my experience of Magick today. 

After chipping away at a few projects on the land and of the new conscious collaborations, I found myself practicing with a pair of fire-fans that I haven't touched for several months (one of the items on my "personal goals" list happens to be "more movement with fire/flow toys"). Feeling free, and aware that no-one was watching me, I let my dance emerge. My mind, at peace in movement. I was not thinking, simply moving naturally with the tools in my hands. Through true play, graceful patterns and unique ideas emerged. Through a profound experience years earlier, I learned that Movement and Dance, for me, opens clear channels to Earth and Spirit- thus creating powerful Magick. I can always feel power, significance and response in the wind when I move from the Heart. (It occurs to me that Ancient Egyptians whom studied Magick and Mysticism utilized both words and movements of power to interact (as I understand it in my heart) with the elements: Earth, Wind, Fire, Water and Aether.)

Becoming aware of the growing thirst in my physical body, I concluded my dance and went inside for some water. The sight of an open laptop brought my awareness to my current projects. In retrospect, I acknowledge the influence of the current astrological situation- Mars conjunct Saturn. At this time, it is important to use our energy and creativity wisely, as it may seem to come in inconsistent large bursts. At this moment, I found my semi-conscious "monkey-mind" (as my beloved calls it) start to kick in with an old program. "What can I do now? I can't think of anything to do. Maybe that means I don't have anything to offer." At this moment, my beloved enters, and beckons me outside with hints of wonder and fervor.


In his hands lay the most amazing creature: A beautiful gray, black and bright red bird, about half the size of my palm- just like Snow White's little companion. He had flown into the window, and was drifting in and out of consciousness. Mystified, I lightly stroked the bird's head and body. My beloved, Aeon, put him down on the picnic table and we filled a sea-shell with water for him to drink. Not conscious enough to comprehend, Aeon dipped his finger in the water and held it to the creature's beak. As the life-blood entered his body, he roused momentarily, and suddenly flapped his wings with slight panic at the aftermath of his trauma- and probably also due to the fact that there were two huge humans directly upon him, treating him with close attentiveness. He then drifted back into his daze.

As a part of my personal evolution, I have been intentionally redirecting my extreme empathy. When the bird panicked, for a moment I felt panicked too. It was the child in me, surfacing the feeling and memory of being reprimanded for touching small creatures such as this- with an underlying fear that imprinted upon me. What if when we fed him water from our finger, he pecked and broke skin? I had been told with parental jurisdiction NOT to touch birds and bird feathers for fear of disease. Yes, if the bird had been more lucid in that moment of panic, he might have half a mind to fly right at my face. However, Mama's Magick doesn't work that way, and I knew in an instant that these fears did not belong to me. This truth resounded in my being, and I became aware of the divine opportunity being given to us. And so I held out my hand. Aeon placed the tiny creature in my care and instantly, I felt love and compassion overcome my being like a warm waterfall. Not even a lick of fear remained. We are all Earth's children, and this child needed care.

We appraised his wounds; what looked like blood at first was actually just his bright feathers, slightly wet and stuck to his chest. A small part of his beak had cracked off, but nothing that would inhibit him from getting food. His feet were a bit unnaturally placed in his stance, as if he wasn't even aware of them.

With the spirit of the dancer, I held him in my palm and faced him toward the gentle wind- swaying him as he might do if he were gliding in the sky. As I walked into the sun, I felt his energy shift to accept the comforts and care from loving parental entities. I felt his proud, fuzzy chest settle down into the palm of my hand. Breathing in the moment , I felt immense gratitude and awe for this precious creature, and the blessing of this shared moment in time. A gift, directly from the Mother Goddess Herself.


 We took him to the little stream, next to a low-to-the-ground Juniper tree. The little creature was becoming more cognizant, and appraised us both with a gentle curiosity, and profound gratitude for the comfort and rehabilitation. It felt like he was saying thank you. He drifted off again, comfortable enough with us to slip into an unguarded sleep/daze. It became clear that he was going to survive. Rousing him again (by singing a silly congratulatory song and (gentle) dance), we put him down on the ground and begun prompting him to hop. The more he hopped, the more he became aware of his body- his legs were fine. Eventually, as we prompted him closer to the tree, he hopped on a branch. It seemed his slight amnesia began to ware off, and his surroundings reset his instincts. We bid him farewell, trusting that our mutual compassion would ripple out, further building our relationship will all of the Mother's Creatures. That is the work of a Shaman.


...And yes, Mom, I washed my hands <3

It is has been an uncharacteristically quiet few days at Spirits Rising- the place in which my partner and I have been residing. Lazy snow flurries have given way to a sky of vibrant blue, and Father Sun is free to warm the creatures of the ground. The shrinking patches of white bring us the energy of a faux Spring; a reminder that nothing is permanent. Even the coldest Winters eventually give way to Spring. We have come to learn the very same lesson about life itself- that a blessing lives in every struggle. Night always yields to day, and even through the nights, the moon watches over us. She invites us to look inside of ourselves, to dive right into the waves caused by our stirred emotions. Wellness is an inside-out process, and to heal the pains, we must get to the source. Our sickness started the day someone told us we were not enough... and we accepted. Our cancer is the uneasiness in our own skin, the idea that grows in the pits of our stomachs; "maybe I don't deserve love." We have been led to believe that we were born into sin, into a debt which we can never truly pay, but which we are obligated to spend our lives trying. Yet deep inside, we know this is not true, and so there is dissonance within our being. Deep inside of us, there is a child who feels abandoned, and who will come for that child if not you?

Wellness is an inside-out process. It requires plunging to the darkest places within ourselves and remaining until even in the cold damp emptiness, we may light the spark of forgiveness. Even in a vacuum, this kind of spark grows into a roaring fire, in which we may cast the fibers of our old doubts and turn them into our vital energy. On the ashes, we may rise. Through learning to forgive ourselves, we find it easier to forgive others: Those whom challenge us, those whom have hurt us, and those whom fed us false building blocks to an unfulfilled lifestyle. We thank them. We may even thank our cancer, for the prompting to go so deep within ourselves when we may have otherwise slept through our entire lives. For the opportunity to lend support to others mirroring our experiences. The Universe never faces us with an obstacle which we cannot overcome. Therefore, the very fact that we are faced with an obstacle implies that we also hold the solution. For this, every challenge in our life is also an opportunity to grow, to pay attention, to love ourselves, and to pass on the wisdom which we gain in the process. As challenging as it may be, as deep and dark a place it may lead, I assure you, Spring will always come.

Throughout the process of becoming aligned with our highest, 
we must take on the responsibility of getting real with where our inner dialogue is coming from,
and what our actions are based upon.
We must accept that 
just because a thought has taken up residence in our minds,
does not give it the right to remain there.
We have the power to mold our experience
by acting on our right to choose how we perceive things in our inner world.
Each and every one of the records playing in the forefront, or in the farthest corners of our minds
must be brought to light the moment we catch on to their subtle repetitious sounds.

Now that we are aware of the inherent battle that humans are subjected to at birth,
and now that we have recognized our right (and DUTY) to choose 
whether we are a part of the problem,
or if we are a part of the SOUL-ution;
We just don't get to sweep our destructive thought patterns under the rug anymore.
Even when we come across patterns that we have grown quite comfortable with,
we must accept that anything and everything us up for questioning.
If we then find that these patterns are not of our highest,
it is our responsibility to purge them;
with certainty that if we do not,
we become stagnant.

It can be tricky, at times, to pick out the parts of our ego 
that have intermingled so convincingly with our older and less evolved ideas of our highest.
It is helpful to, as we get to know our ego better,
maintain a sort of checklist of red flags
(be it a mental or physical list).
We have come to learn about the inherit duality in our nature,
and that all thoughts, actions, and interactions
can be traced all the way back to one of two things:
love or fear.
A thought or action of the ego can always be traced back to a fear.
Thus, our waking Spirits always act from love.

A prominent red flag of the ego
is that the ego feels like it needs justification;
When assessing our options, or contemplating our reactions,
be mindful of when you hear yourself saying things like,
"well, if I hadn't have done it, than this might have happened."
"I did/didn't because..."
When we take part in this run-around with ourselves,
our ego is literally concocting a situation that has not happened
and we are basing our thoughts and actions
on something that isn't,
rather than something that is.
Which, in the realm of spiritual growth,
is a quite redundant process.

The act of justification is always refuting something.
If we are justifying our own thoughts and actions
to ourselves,
We can thus infer
that there is something deep within us
that feels that there is something wrong.
This deep feeling
is our soul,
and it feels that it is being misrepresented.
Our souls are always aware when our thoughts and actions
contradict those of our Highest.
It creates a dissonance in our hearts and minds,
and a feeling of dis-ease in our bodies.
The word magic here is crystal clear:
Creating dissonance in our being
by acting in a manner
that is not aligned with our Highest
Is cause for disease.
It is imperative that we commit into the 
authenticity
of our
soul.
Truly listen,
and may you always hear.
Aho Mitakuye Oyasin.
And So It Is.

The ego is cunning...
...or at least it thinks that it is.
I have come to find that the ego is, fittingly so,
 quite egotistical about many things;
including its ability to calculate real life situations,
based on what the ego would call "data."
This is one of the reasons that the ego is so sneaky:
We have been taught to trust data over out own intuitions.

What the ego is trying to justify here
is its basic and inherent 
fear of the unknown.
There is also a tie in with the
fear of being wrong
which is more accurately, the
fear of looking foolish.
The ego is very concerned with its "reputation."
So, rather than being authentic and at ease with every moment,
and open to any outcome,
the ego subscribes to the past,
in an attempt to justify or validate its pattern,
and projects into the future,
thus creating a situation that does not exist.

Unfortunately, 
this usually means that by the time we are able to witness the outcome in real time,
we have either attracted exactly what the ego had expected,
or we highlight the aspects that validate our expectations, 
and pay no mind to the variations.

Of course, when this pattern surfaces in our thinking,
the most cohesive and productive option is to recognize it,
and release its power over us.
We must let go of the thought that we know everything,
or rather, the fear that we don't,
...and even giggle at our ego for being so silly.
After all, it's okay.
When we own something, we are able to draw upon our experience later,
it enables us to gain clarity on our process,
and it reinforces the message and makes us stronger.

By recognizing that the absolute "control" over the outcomes of situations
 remains in the hands of Source;
we are able to... un-clench, if you will.
There is wonderful serenity that comes with letting go.
What we can do is hold space,
act in kind to ourselves and others,
remain present with our intentions,
 and trust that our highest option
is on its way.
Source is always the most capable of choosing the most divine option,
for Source is the only one that can see all of the options.
All that matters, is that when the opportunity arrives,
we are brave enough to act upon it.

I find that there is a red flag
that seems to be a close companion
of justification and creating scenarios. 
I like to call it:
the "Uh-Oh's."
If one has a case of the "Uh Oh's,"
the most prominent symptom is a constant mental leap to every situation's
"worst case scenario."
An ego displaying this particular habit can be quite sneaky indeed,
for it is very likely that the ego is able to justify them,
beyond refute, in their eyes,
by claiming that it is simply aiming to be
"prepared for anything."

In reality,
when we display an "Uh Oh" response,
we are bracing for something that hasn't even happened.
If we choose to change our way of thinking,
it does not mean that we have to be "ignorant" or "naive" to negative possibilities.
It is important that we do not repress any thought that we have,
even these potentially harmful ones.
What is more important, however,
is that we take the time to lift them properly from our field.
There is an meditation exercise that outlines this process below.
  For now, I would like to provide a few clear examples
of what it looks like to experience the "Uh Oh's."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXAMPLE NO. 1
I hear that someone has said something about me,
however I did not hear it strait from them; 
therefore I was not able to interpret their tone or use my intuition.
My first thought is
"Uh-oh, this is going to cause a riff."
Now, if I let that thought spiral around in my head without taking the responsibility to
lift it,
you best believe that the next time I see that person, 
the only thing that I will be able to think about regarding them,
is how our next meeting is going to get uncomfortable.
When I see this person, 
I will want to first and foremost
defend myself
and confront this person
If it doesn't come up right away,
I will not able to be present with this person,
for all I will be thinking about is
how I am going to bring it up.
When I do bring it up, my voice will be shaky,
and even if I ask rather than accuse,
and my tone and energy will already be defensive and accusatory,
and they will subconsciously pick up on this,
and they will become defensive too.
And this will lead exactly to our "worst case scenario" expectation. 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
EXAMPLE NO. 2
I am driving and I hear a noise,
and I assume or worry immediately that it is my car.
Now, until the time that I figure out that it is not my car,
I am stacking this 'event' on top of everything else that I have to "deal with,"
and I start thinking about all of those things;
How I "don't have the money to do this and that, let alone get my car worked on."
I may think about how I have an event that I am 'expected' to be at
and how difficult it is going to be to get there without my car.
I may even go so far as to guess at what the problem might be,
and attempt to calculate how much it will cost to fix.
... And all of this is done under stress.
Stress 'costs' your body, no matter if the cause is actual or theoretical.
So, even when I am relieved to deduce that it is not, in fact, my car making the noise;
I have far less energy than before I heard the noise.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In order to begin to remedy our case of the "Uh Oh's,"
we must first acknowledge the fact that 
they aren't doing us any favors.
Your ego is clinging to the idea that it is in control, 
and this is inadvertently getting in the way of living.
The "Uh Oh's" are also acting on a
fear of success.
This fear almost seems silly;
we're all aiming to be successful, right?
When we always look to the worst case scenarios,
not only are we worried for/attracting them,
we are also in the habit of measuring how much energy something would take
before we even give it a try.
Since we are already drained from thinking about worst-case-scenarios, 
we feel like we have less energy to try something new:
And thus the cycle perpetuates.
The "Uh Oh's" not only hold us back from success,
they also are subliminally doubting your ability to be exceptional.
If this stirs something up in you,
I would implore you to take some time to sit with it,
even if it is uncomfortable...
...or rather:
Especially because it is uncomfortable.
We are all capable of anything,
but all we need to do right now
is take a step.

Instead of remaining in these cycles,
I invite you to dream awake your perfect life.
I invite you to do so in a manner that is free of expectation,
and in a manner that does not doubt your ability to make this your reality.
I invite you to believe in your capacity to do great things, one step at a time. 

When you are noticing yourself experiencing an "Uh Oh" moment, take the time to recognize what that feels like. Do you feel how there is a tightening sensation around your heart chakra? Familiarize yourself with this sensation, in order to be able to recognize it better in future situations; when the ego may be a little sneakier. Focus your energy on your heart chakra, and with every inhale, expand it outward in all directions against the tightness. Visualize the tight sensation as ropes or chords that are keeping your heart chakra constricted. This will likely be a slow process at first, but do not be deterred- keep at it. Expand the energy of your heart chakra until you feel a popping release of the bindings bursting; liberating yourself of their hold on you. Lift the heavier feeling up and out of your body, all the while seeing it for what it really is. at your throat chakra, admit to yourself that the feeling was real, and that it was perpetuated by your ego. At your third eye, see the "Uh Oh" for what it really is- a self-sabotaging reaction to fear of success,  fear of being wrong, fear of the unknown etc. As you lift it finally up and out through your crown chakra, forgive yourself and your ego for having the thought, and send it back to Source. 

*Note: Meditation does not always require closed eyes and crossed legs; it requires commitment and concentration. If you are confronted with a feeling that you need to clear and you are, for example, driving a car- it is more important to do what you can to lift the feeling in that moment than it would be to put it off until you can properly meditate. You can always process your feelings further at a later time, however it is important to banish negativity from your field as soon as you detect it.  

I invite you to ask yourself what success looks like through your eyes. Day dream of what your house would look like, how you would spread excess wealth etc. Make a list, mental or physical, of all of your skill-sets. You may benefit from making different columns, such as "Skills I Have," "Products I can/could make," "Services I can provide," etc. based on things that you love to do.
Now take a moment to thing of the VERY FIRST STEP.
Do you have the materials to create with?
Do you have products already made?
Who and where are the people whom would love your product?
What are your online (Etsy, Amazon, Ebay, Fiverr) and local (Farmer's Markets, small consignment shops, events) resources and platforms?
Are you certified for a service?
What would it take to get certified? (There are MANY online options in that can legally certify you for various things. Generally, the online options are bother faster, and WAY less expensive. Sometimes it's free!)
Do you have a website? (There are many FREE website generators, including Weebly which is extremely user friendly, especially if it is your first time.)
Can you commit some of your spare time to chipping away at these things that will make your dreams come true? No expectations, just faith and surrender.
Can you let go of your fears of why any of this could or would not work, and simply give it a try?
Can you accept that we were brought here for an agenda HIGHER than that of other humans' expectations for us- to just be another cog in a money machine? Can you accept that the REAL agenda is for us to align ourselves with our highest, and THRIVE. That we can have wealth, and that it would be better off in our hands than the hands of big bankers?
Can you accept that you are a powerful and capable person? You are. <3

           Self work is never a dead end. Sometimes we feel so knocked down, so tired, that we cannot possibly fathom taking one more step; let alone make it to the top of the mountain. Sometimes we may even go so far as to question, for but for a moment, the integrity of the very mountain we are climbing- fearing that we may be the butt of some sort of sick cosmic joke. We are obtaining a new skill-set, however, including an internal distinguishing mechanism between the voice of our soul, and the voice that is our ego. We sense the timbre of doubt and fear in this voice; and we know it to be our ego. We surrender, and with one more powerful reach, we find a plateau on which to rest. As we drift off to sleep, we hear the collective soul, the voice of the universe whisper:

“Rest assured, child, I would not face you with a challenge that you could not overcome.”
              

 
            This morning, while weeding beets at our local farm, my beloved and I listened to the Four Agreements. If you are not yet familiar, this wonderful and enlightening text (in this case, a narrated audio) speaks to the foundation of our soul. It speaks to the necessary morals and integrity we must hold dear in order to live a life of true happiness, love, and freedom. In this realm, we are accompanied by both spirit and ego. This sometimes creates an audible dialogue in our heads; a sort of angel-and-devil-on-the-shoulders type feeling. We're not crazy, we're growing. Our goal is to transcend the ego and become our Highest Self. For this reason alone, we become aware that there are indeed right and wrong ways to act. This is not, by any means, the word of the law, the word of the church, or any other parameters written by man. This is the word that comes from stillness within; our Higher Knowing. The Four Agreements are an impeccable summary of the basic promises we must make to ourselves in order to reach our Highest. They are as follows:

1.) Be impeccable with your word
    Our words are an incredible power-source, capable of both casting and breaking spells. We must be conscious to say what we mean, and to follow through with what we say. We must speak with integrity; being conscious to keep judgement, negativity, assumption, anger, fear etc. out of our speech. This therefore keeps these undesirable sentiments from taking form in our projections of consciousness. Being impeccable with our word means to use the power of the Word for truth and love, and never against ourselves or others.   

2.) Don’t take anything personally
     This agreement comes with an understanding that nothing other people say is because of you. People’s words are their own projection, and we can only take them personally if we believe them ourselves. Peoples’ judgments etc. only seep into our skin if it is porous enough to absorb them. Once we integrate this agreement, we are no longer susceptible to the words, judgments, or thoughts of others- they no longer inhibit us in any way.

3.) Don’t make assumptions
  This agreement is about clear communication, and having the courage to ask questions in order to see the truth clearly- rather than chalking up what we see to something we have seen before. Mastering our communication eliminates misunderstandings and drama, and allows us to remove our blinders in order to perceive truth- rather than our own perceptions. When we make assumptions, we immediately adopt them as truths. We assume we know what others are thinking, and usually go on to take that personally. To make an assumption is to ask for trouble.

4.) Always do your best
  We do not get anywhere by making excuses for ourselves. Sometimes the best we can do is to be silent- to hold space for solution and resolution with compassion. Sometimes our best is far more action oriented. Either way, we agree to see the situation with compassion, and act from a place of clarity rather than heightened emotion. We agree to shop up in every Present, as clear as we can be. 


           

           During our early lifetime, we become, as The Agreements call it, ‘domesticated.’ This causes ourselves to accept others’ harmful agreements that are pushed upon us. These agreements  impart themes of submission, fear, authority, guilt, and a finite box of choices and personalities for us to choose from. We grow up in a system of punishment and reward. We believe that when we do some things we are ‘good,’ and that when we do other things, we are ‘bad.’ We begin to infer that our purpose is to please and impress others. These adopted agreements cause us to create agreements with ourselves, complete with themes of entitlement, excuses, conditions, rationalizations, and assumptions. Thus begins a cycle, a hamster wheel on which we run until something shakes us up enough to question our values and the beliefs in which we absorbed.  

Necessary Duality

            Our universe consists of a complete and dualistic spectrum of colors. Each life is its own hue of both the Divine color spectrum, and the shadow that their particular color creates on the spectrum below it. Our dark matter is necessary in order to remain in our incarnated, physical-touchable-smellable form here on Earth. Our light matter, or our light body, remains the channel to the ethereal, non-physical universe. The moment a child absorbs another person’s fear, is told that something is “impossible,” or their trust is broken, the duality inherent in our entire species comes out of dormancy. From that moment on, we are left to sort through all of the data in our brain; deciding what buy in to, and dismiss. Through this process, we write our subscriptions to
exactly what lesson cycles we need to learn, and just how severely we need to learn them. Each lesson that presents itself is an opportunity to balance out some agreement we have made that is not for our Highest. It requires an amount of our energy as pay in order to balance out any ripple of harm we may have caused by subscribing to the wrong ideals. This process is not for you to feel fault, blame or guilt; this is a petty pity cry of the ego. This process is giving you the opportunity for you to make the right decision in a scenario in which you may have taken the easy way out. Stepping up to this occasion prevents another ripple of interpersonal harm, liberates ourselves of our shackles of self-blame, and nullifies the need for this instance to present itself to you again. Difficulty is but opportunity for transcendence.


There is a quote that originates with one of the indigenous tribes of America. It goes something like: Within each of us lives a good wolf and a bad wolf. What matters is which one we choose to feed. Case and point; this duality does live inside of all of us. However we are granted with the choice of which ‘inner voice’ we are going to act upon. In order to know which side of us is speaking, we must know each intimately. The natural cycles of this planet are acting to familiarize us so intimately with our shadow, that we no longer fear it. It is working to tempt us with darkness until we realize that it is not bringing us anything more than hollow instant gratifications and suffering. Remember: everything is an opportunity for growth. If something makes you uncomfortable, sad, angry or scared… sit with it. Thank it, for you know that it is going to teach you something valuable. If we are able to keep a solid integral foundation, like we find in the Four Agreements, we are always supported and protected when doing this shadow-work.

We, human beings, are becoming aware that our outward projections of consciousness function to make us aware of, and to heal our inner afflictions. Our perception is an interactive MOVIE that we are directing in our minds. However, if we lose sight of our inner purposes, we feel that all we are left with are: 
"FACTS:" Scrutinized definitions and stories written or declared in a different time period, by someone whose experiences are completely different from our own. 
If we subscribe to these "facts," we enable:
"JUDGEMENT:" a language human expectation, consisting of words like 'should' and 'should not,' 'is' and 'is not,' 'normal' and 'strange,' 'proper' and improper.' Judgement is an example of the human ego-trip that leads us to believe that we have the right, even the obligation to DEFINE THINGS and set PARAMETERS that are conducive to our comfort zone. In reality, judgement is but a dirty habit we have yet to break.

Furthermore, once we are aware that our true purpose is attainable through our highest selves, our outward projections of consciousness serve as helpful clues. For example, you feel that someone is judging you, it would be appropriate to ask yourself the following questions: What lesson/divine knowledge is this person ignoring in order to justify judging me? Is it something about me that makes this person uncomfortable with them-self? How is this person me- how am I judgmental? Why does this bother me? Where does it ORIGINATE? These are questions to be asking ones self every time something comes up in your personal field that does not resonate with you. This part is one's own journey. It is also relevant to state thus: We are all the essence of each other, and the things that we see and feel are seen and felt by others in different ways, in order to portray the SAME messages and themes. Whether or not we know it, we are all going through this together. Each of these internal and external conflicts derive from deep origins, and are alive in each of our consciousness.

Lilith and Eve: Divided From Day One.

Let us start with one of the written beginnings of humankind. Most of us have heard the story of Adam and Eve, but fewer of us are aware of the true origin of a woman named Lilith. 

Lilith was created at the same time as Adam- making her both the first incarnated woman and Adam's equal. IF Lilith is found in text, it usually says only that Lilith was unwilling to be subservient to Adam. More specifically, she refused to lie underneath him during intercourse. Seems like small beans, right? Apparently not, for Lilith was then banished from the Garden, and her name slandered with connotations of evil. To me, this sounds like it escalated fairly quickly. Upon more pondering, I was led to believe that a few things may have occurred:

1.) Adam, perhaps new to his testosterone and not yet  learned in the essence of the Goddess, had an EXPECTATION that he should be on top during sex.
2.) Lilith, new to her emotions as well, REACTED, rather than responded. It is said that after she was exiled from the Garden, Adam begged her to come back to no avail.
3.) The disagreement was based limited to a very black and white perspective; that when it came to intercourse, it was either top or bottom. Now, I know that this was a new practice for the both of them, however if Adam and Lilith had taken a breather and begun to think creatively, they would have realized that there are infinite ways to have sex. This limited scope led to a disagreement that could have been avoided, and birthed a very black and white mindset. It also birthed a hierarchical way of thinking; one was either superior or inferior, on the top or the bottom, but never regarded as equal. 
 
Now, this is not to say that these stories are true or untrue. These stories are simply TOLD and REGARDED as true. If not confronted, they may still fester deep in our psyche (the collective consciousness). So, with this in mind, let us continue.

 To this day, if Lilith is acknowledged at all, she is JUDGED as the wild woman. Of course, the church has taken it so far as to spread the idea that she is a DEMON. Archangel Samael, whom Lilith went on to marry, is sometimes referred to as the Devil himself. Of course, the church (as well as many humans) feels the need to assert their "official word" on most everything; especially when it comes to slandering women that participate in any form of sexual conduct. This seems to be an obvious example of shaming.

When it comes to eating the apple, it is hard to blame the poor woman. I'm sure that as the message started to sink in; that she was made by man in order to please man, it is only natural she would begin looking for a little danger and excitement. It was likely the boring prospect of being at mans' beck and call for the coming eon that led her into temptation in the first place. 

These stories beg further questions from within my being. Were these beings the original incarnates, or the original lies?  What stands out to me in these stories is that WOMAN is divided immediately. If we accept these ideas (and potentially, even if we were unaware of them- they are still playing like records in the collective consciousness), then our power is immediately split in half. Were these stories concocted to deliberately dis-empower women? Was it a story written once man understood that their agenda would be compromised given the strong moral compass and compassion that comes with powerful feminine energy?

 A woman does not need to choose between confidence and compassion, between standing on her own two feet and having a nurturing heart. Whether women began their walk on this planet as a divided entity or not, we were given this challenge because we have the capacity to transcend it. We must accept our potential to RISE ABOVE this idea of limitation. 

I believe these early depictions of women still weigh on our psyche. Lilith, on one hand, was DEMONIZED for having free will. She was slandered for having the gall to not accept a life that did not suit her. We find this idea manifesting in society: We feel cornered into maintaining jobs and images of 'normalcy' that do not fulfill us. I feel the story of Lilith traces back the guilt shaming of independent women to its very roots. She was not acting inside of the perimeters that man dubbed 'correct conduct,' so she was exiled.

On the other hand, Eve perhaps got the worst rap of all. Not only is she BLATANTLY depicted as a lesser being because she was created of man, she also has the entire burden of mankind living in sin over her head. We have witnessed an extreme imbalance of feminine energy up until perhaps the last five or ten years. We of course witness this in the form of seizing land and creating borders, war mongering and hierarchy. Though men are now becoming HUMBLED to the power and grace of the divine feminine, as well as more connected to our Mother Earth, subliminal dominant language still exists. It can be as simple as being interrupted by someone speaking louder than us in order to assert dominance. Sometimes, it is so subtle that we begin to feel a pang, followed by a constricted feeling over our heart chakra, and we don't know why. Remember, you are blessed with a firm subtlety; use your finesse to stand your ground firmly in a place of compassion. If you feel like your emotions have been triggered, take a deep breath and count to ten (you won't lose your thought process, it will only become clearer). Reacting from a place of emotion, rather than responding, leads to unnecessary escalation. Above all, remember to be kind and nurturing to your self. 

Call out to both Lilith and Eve individually. Get a sense of how they feel, what they're like, and what color they represent to you. Then, picture two disconnected strands; one the color of Lilith's energy, and one the color of Eve's energy. These strands represent frayed DNA. Little by little, connect the strands from the bottom up. Weave them together in whatever way comes naturally to you. This will be effectively closing the gap, and remedying a separation that has been ingrained in our DNA for many years. Ask spirit how you can embody the energies of both Goddesses without compromising self, and remain still in your mind to receive the answer. 

For one day, carry a notebook on you. On one page, right the words "I'm Sorry." On another page, write the words "I don't know" These two phrases are examples of us taking power away from ourselves. Take a tally on each piece of paper to find out just how often you are using these phrases. Does any other dis-empowering language become apparent for you? If you feel up for it, try and track how many times you use the word "can't." 

Get your family and friends involved! Create a "Sorry Jar:" Every time someone apologizes for themselves unnecessarily, have them put a quarter in the jar. Think of something empowering/ rejuvenating to do with the accumulated funds.